CHAPTER ONE

PERSONAL MASTERY

Leading with Courage, Authenticity, and Awareness

I once heard a poignant story about a priest, who was confronted by a soldier while he was walking down a road in pre-revolutionary Russia. The soldier, using his rifle to block the path of the priest, commanded, “Who are you? Where are you going? Why are you going there?”

Unfazed, the priest calmly replied, “How much do they pay you?”

Somewhat surprised, the soldier responded, “Twenty-five kopecks a month.”

The priest paused and, in a deeply thoughtful manner, said, “I have a proposal for you. I’ll pay you fifty kopecks each month if you stop me here every day and challenge me to respond to those same three questions.”

How many of us have a “soldier” confronting us with life’s tough questions, pushing us to pause, to examine, and to develop ourselves more thoroughly? If “character is our fate,” as Heraclitus wrote, do we step back on a regular basis to question and affirm ourselves and to reveal our character? As we lead others and ourselves through tough times, do we draw on the inner resources of our character, or do we lose ourselves in the pressures of the situation? Are we relentlessly pushing to a better future but forgetting to be our best selves in the present?

BREAKING FREE OF SELF-LIMITING PATTERNS

Joe Cavanaugh is founder and CEO of Youth Frontiers. During one of his powerful character development retreats, Cavanaugh told a moving story about Peter, an elementary school student who suffered burns on 90 percent of his body. Peter’s burns were so severe that his mouth had to be propped open so it wouldn’t seal shut in the healing process. Splints separated his fingers so his hands wouldn’t become webbed. His eyes were kept open so his eyelids wouldn’t cut him off from the world permanently.

Even after Peter endured one year of rehabilitation and excruciating pain, his spirit was intact. What was the first thing he did when he could walk? He helped console all the other patients by telling them that they would be all right, that they would get through it. His body may have been horribly burned, but his strength of character was whole.

Eventually, Peter had to begin junior high at a school where no one knew him. Imagine going to a new school at that age and being horribly disfigured. Imagine what the other kids would say and how they would react. On his first day in the cafeteria, everyone avoided him. They looked at him with horror and whispered to one another. Kids got up and moved from tables that were close to him. One student, Laura, had the courage to approach him and to introduce herself. As they talked and ate, she looked into Peter’s eyes and sensed the person beneath the scarred surface.

Reading her thoughts, Peter, in his deep, raspy, smoke-damaged voice, said, “Everyone is avoiding me because they don’t know me yet. When they come to know me, they’ll hang out with me. When they get to know the real me inside, they’ll be my friends.” Peter was right. His character was so strong that people eventually looked beyond the surface. People loved his spirit and wanted to be his friend.

When I consider Peter’s situation, I’m not so sure that I would be able to come through his experience with the same courage. But that’s the beauty of Personal Mastery. Peter was challenged to awaken his extraordinary strength and to walk down his particular path. It was his path to mastery—not yours, not mine. Somehow his life had prepared him to walk that path with dignity. Each of us is challenged to master our own unique circumstances, although usually under less dramatic conditions than Peter’s. Each of us is being called to lead by authentically connecting our own life experiences, values, and talents to the special circumstances we face.

Our ability to rise to this challenge depends on our understanding of our deepest, most authentic gifts, as well as the courage to use them despite inner and outer voices that may try to dissuade us. As Maya Angelou so wisely expressed, “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” Transactive managers strive for single-minded success; transformative leaders extract significant learning from every experience.

INTEGRATING ALL OF LIFE’S EXPERIENCES
INTO A MEANINGFUL CONTEXT

Personal Mastery is not a simplistic process of merely affirming our strengths while ignoring our weaknesses. It is, as Carl Jung would explain it, “growth toward wholeness.” It is about acknowledging our talents and strengths while facing the underdeveloped, hidden, or shadow sides of ourselves. It is about honestly facing and reconciling all facets of self. Personal Mastery involves appreciating the rich mixture of our life experience. Peter Senge, in The Fifth Discipline, wrote, “People with a high level of Personal Mastery are acutely aware of their ignorance, their incompetence, their growth areas, and they are deeply self-confident. Paradoxical? Only for those who do not see the journey is the reward.”

Research originally conducted by Lominger International, now a Korn Ferry company, indicates that defensiveness, arrogance, overdependence on a single skill, key skill deficiencies, lack of composure, and unwillingness to adapt to differences are among the “top ten career stallers and stoppers.” A research study by Kenneth Brousseau, Gary Hourihan, and others, published in Harvard Business Review, connects the significance of agile growth—an evolving decision-making and leadership style—to leadership and career advancement. This global research on 180,000 managers and executives demonstrated that if people don’t develop both strategic and collaborative skills, it is much more challenging to advance.

In a more recent study, researchers David Zes and Dana Landis analyzed 6,977 assessments of managers and executives to identify blind spots and compared the results to the financial data of the 486 publicly traded companies in which the subjects operated. After tracking stock performance over a thirty-month period, Zes and Landis found that organizations with a higher percentage of self-aware leaders (fewest blind spots) had the strongest financial performance. Companies with the least self-aware leaders (most blind spots) had the lowest financial performance. This was a groundbreaking study, the first to correlate self-awareness with financial performance. Despite the research, some leaders still relegate self-awareness to backseat status, regarding it as a soft skill, not critical to business performance. Growing evidence like this makes it difficult to cast self-awareness aside. Self-aware leaders have the strong, authentic foundation on which to build sustainable performance.

DEEPENING AUTHENTICITY
FOR SUSTAINABLE LEADERSHIP

Of all the principles supporting sustainable leadership, authenticity is one of the most important. It also can be one of the most challenging. Most people never realize that it’s an area of their lives that needs attention. In more than three decades of interacting with thousands of leaders, I’ve yet to meet an executive for coaching who comes to me lamenting, “I’m having real trouble being authentic.” If authenticity is so important, why don’t we recognize it as an issue within ourselves? The answer is both simple and profound: we are always authentic to our present state of development. We all behave in perfect alignment with our current level of emotional, psychological, and spiritual evolution. All our actions and relationships, as well as the quality and power of our leadership, accurately express the person we have become. Therefore, we conclude that we are “authentic,” because we are doing the best we can with the information, experience, competencies, and traits that we have at this time.

There is a big catch, however. While we are authentic to our current state of development, we are inauthentic to our potential state of development. As Shakespeare wrote so eloquently in Hamlet, “We know what we are, but know not what we may be.” As humans and as leaders, we have an infinite ability to grow, to be, and to become. Our horizons are unlimited. If there is an end point to growing in self-awareness and authenticity, I certainly have not seen it.

To deepen authenticity—to nourish leadership from the inside out—takes time, attention, and courage. In today’s world, the amount of distraction and busyness we all experience keeps us from undertaking the inward journey and engaging in the quiet reflection required to become more authentic human beings. By middle life, many of us are accomplished fugitives from ourselves. In Self-Renewal: The Individual and the Innovative Society, John Gardner writes:

Human beings have always employed an enormous variety of clever devices for running away from themselves. We can keep ourselves so busy, fill our lives with so many diversions, stuff our heads with so much knowledge, involve ourselves with so many people and cover so much ground that we never have time to probe the fearful and wonderful world within.

To courageously penetrate the commotion and distraction of our lives, to explore the depths of ourselves, is the prerequisite for self-awareness and authenticity. So what is authenticity? Based on our experience assessing and coaching thousands of leaders over the years, we define authenticity as the continuous process of building self-awareness of our whole person, as well as being transparent with others about our whole person—both strengths and limitations. This heightened self-awareness allows us to predict our likely responses to a variety of situations. As a result of this awareness, more often than not, the authentic person’s beliefs, values, principles, and behaviors tend to line up. Commonly referred to as “walking the talk,” authenticity also means embodying your talk at a very deep level.

Authenticity is so much more than simply being true to ourselves; it also requires being true to others. Authenticity carries a much bigger responsibility to speak up, to light up the darkness, and to “shake the spiritual tree,” as Ken Wilber puts it. “You must let the radical realization rumble through your veins and rattle those around you,” Wilber elaborates. Authenticity is rarely complacent. It is clear about what is important and what needs to change. It is not attracted to convention but is more compelled by courageous conviction. With genuine authenticity, we shake ourselves free from the restrictions of the past and courageously express alternative futures.

Another prominent feature of highly authentic individuals is openness. Whether they come to authenticity naturally or work hard to attain it, the most real, genuine, sincere leaders tend to have the courage to be open about both their capabilities and their vulnerabilities. They have an inner openness about their strengths as well as their limitations. They know who they are and don’t apologize for their capabilities. They also have an outer openness about their whole selves. They try neither to cover up their weaknesses nor to “hide their light under a bushel.” They have managed to avoid the pitfall that Malcolm Forbes described: “Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” Self-compassion—being open and receptive to our vulnerabilities—is an important aspect of authenticity. By acknowledging our own vulnerabilities and appreciating our whole selves, we can truly be compassionate to others. As David Whyte, poet and author of The Heart Aroused, beautifully wrote, “We need to learn to love that part of ourselves that limps.”

In Good to Great, Jim Collins explains that his research identified the interesting duality in “Level 5 leaders,” who are both modest and willful, humble and fearless, vulnerable and strong, interpersonally connected and focused—in short, leaders who “had grown toward wholeness.” Their “compelling modesty,” as Collins puts it—their authenticity, as we would term it—draws people to come together to achieve.

Authentic people—people on the path to Personal Mastery—have dual awareness of their strengths and vulnerabilities. This more complete self-awareness allows them to focus on the team, organization, and marketplaces—not on themselves. Personal Mastery allows us to transcend our egos and move into authentic service and authentic contribution. As Collins elaborates, “Level 5 leaders channel their ego away from themselves and into the larger goal of building a great company. It’s not that Level 5 leaders have no ego or self-interest. Indeed they are incredibly ambitious, but their ambition is first and foremost for the contribution, not for themselves.” Level 5 leaders—authentic leaders— see their purpose beyond their limited selves as passionate instruments of service and contribution. As the late David McClelland elucidated in The Achieving Society, effective leaders use their Socialized Power in service to a more purpose-driven achievement motive. Authentic leaders harness their gifts to serve something greater.

In Daniel Goleman’s extensive research on emotional intelligence in the workplace, Goleman cites self-awareness—“attention to one’s own experience,” or mindfulness—as the primary competence in his framework for managing ourselves, which is a prerequisite for managing others. In Primal Leadership: Learning to Lead with Emotional Intelligence, Goleman and his coauthors, Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee, assert, “A leader’s self-awareness and ability to accurately perceive his performance is as important as the feedback he receives from others.” The flow of crucial information to develop our courageous authenticity comes from the inside out and from the outside in.

While most leadership research does not suggest authoritarian leadership approaches as ideal in what Thomas Friedman has coined as today’s “flat” world, I have seen some authoritarian leaders with substantial authenticity outperform leaders who strove to be collaborative, yet lacked authenticity. I’ve seen leaders low in charisma and polish get in front of a group and stumble around a bit, but their personal authenticity and substance were so tangibly established that they inspired the group members and moved them to a new level of excellence. Could such leaders benefit from working on their leadership approaches? Certainly. But how much would it really matter, compared with their trust-inspiring authenticity? “The individual who does not embody her messages will eventually be found out,” warns Howard Gardner in Leading Minds. “Even the inarticulate individual who leads the exemplary life may eventually come to be appreciated.”

THE AUTHENTICITY AND COURAGE TEST

Challenges to our authenticity come in small and big moments. Every day, possibly in every leadership moment, our authenticity is tested. Do we put a little spin on an explanation to make it look better? Do we risk sharing an emotional, inspiring story? Do we slow down and show care and concern in the heat of performance? Do we reveal a vulnerability to build trust and connection? Do we take advantage of people or situations because we can? Small but significant tests of authenticity and courage await us from moment to moment.

Sometimes, truly big moments test and reveal our authenticity and character. Steve Reinemund was Chairman and CEO of PepsiCo during a period of extraordinary growth. Earnings grew 90 percent. But the focus of the business was on more than results; they constantly preached “Winning the Right Way.” This mantra resonated deeply in the culture.

Recently, Steve reflected on this time and shared with me an interesting story:

One day, a mysterious envelope arrived at the Pepsi headquarters, marked for one of our key executives. His administrative assistant opened it and was surprised to find that it was filled with trade secrets from a prominent competitor. Someone had anonymously sent them. Within an hour, the administrative assistant had packed up the envelope with its contents and had delivered it back to our competitor’s headquarters. Fortunately, she knew the right thing to do. Yes, it would have been highly advantageous for us to possess those documents. But it would have been “winning the wrong way.” We gave the administrative assistant a Chairman’s Award as a demonstration of our pride and gratitude in how well she embodied our company’s values.

This was truly a big authenticity test, a big leadership moment. In that moment, their years of investing in their authentic values paid off. “Winning the right way” had become the only way. Transactive managers do things right; transformative leaders do the right thing.

EXPLORING BELIEFS

One of the most effective ways to take this journey to a more integrated, authentic understanding of ourselves is to intentionally explore our personal belief systems. Few psychological dynamics are as fundamental as our beliefs. Beliefs literally create our reality; they are the lenses or filters through which we interpret the world. Some of these “lenses” focus and open up new horizons; others dim our view and limit possibilities. Beliefs are transformational. Every belief we have transforms our life in either a life-enriching or life-limiting way. As Bruce Lipton wrote in The Biology of Belief, “Our beliefs control our bodies, our minds, and our lives.” In a sense, beliefs are the “software of leadership,” our deeply personal operating system that runs the show on the surface.

One of the most dramatic examples of the transformational power of beliefs comes from heavyweight fighter George Foreman. In the 1970s, Foreman was renowned for being one of the toughest, nastiest human beings on the planet. Angry and antisocial, he often came across as a mean, uncommunicative person, not at all the person you see today. He was not known for social graces, self-awareness, or his big smile. However, immediately following his surprising loss to Jimmy Young in Puerto Rico, George went to his dressing room, lay down on the training table, and reportedly had an overwhelming spiritual experience. After that experience, George changed. He changed his entire life, everything: his personality, his relationships, and his life purpose. He transformed them all into a more life-affirming direction.

George peeled the onion of his personality, and the delightful, humorous, self-effacing “George” came forward. The important thing to note here is not whether George Foreman actually had a spiritual revelation. Many medical professionals said he suffered from severe heat exhaustion, and that’s what caused his “experience.” That’s not the issue. The key principle is that George Foreman believed that he had a spiritual transformation, and that belief changed his life. What we believe, we become.

Through our years of coaching people, we have consistently observed two distinct types of belief systems operating in people: Conscious Beliefs and Shadow Beliefs. Conscious Beliefs are the explicit, known beliefs we have. When asked what our beliefs are about ourselves, about other people, or about life in general, we can articulate many of them. Even though it may take some effort to access and to clarify some of these beliefs, they are accessible to us on an everyday level. Examples of Conscious Beliefs someone might have are, “I believe in treating people with respect; I fear trying new things; I am creative and resilient; many people are untrustworthy; hard work brings results.” Although we can access these beliefs on a conscious level, this does not mean we are always aware of them. We can, however, more easily enhance awareness of Conscious Beliefs and of whether or not we are living in accordance with them.

Recently, we guided the chairman of the board of a fast-growing public company through the process of bringing his beliefs into conscious awareness. As a result, the sixty-year-old chairman remarked, “Most people probably think I had this all figured out. What I discovered is that my beliefs were operating, but not consciously enough. After more than thirty years in leadership roles, I realize that unknowingly I’ve been holding back aspects of myself, crucial to continued leadership success. Once I saw it in my work, it was easy to see that I was doing the same thing at home with my family.”

Elena was an executive in a global service firm in the United Kingdom. Her intelligence, energetic work ethic, results orientation, and excellent relationship skills had supported her pattern of success. She prided herself on how connected the people on her team were, with both her and each other. However, team members conducted themselves carefully, and they rarely engaged in conflict.

One day, during a one-on-one with her boss, Elena was taken aback when her boss said, “Elena, you’ve been on the team for a while now, and you never disagree with me. I don’t really know if you are really invested in all these new changes we’re making, or if you are just going along with them. You’re too nice! I need you to step forward more powerfully and challenge me.”

Ingrained in Elena from a young age was the fear of rejection, which was fueled by the belief that being liked and accepted was the only way to really get the acknowledgment and respect that she craved. Elena’s boss encouraged her to see that speaking up—being more open—is not only more respectful but also more authentic. After working with Elena for a while, we were able to help her break free of Shadow Beliefs around rejection and to see that fostering more open discussions, even constructive conflict, surfaces unspoken issues and produces more trust, respect, innovation, and acknowledgment.

Although we access Conscious Beliefs somewhat easily, Shadow Beliefs are subtler and much more challenging to uncover. Doing so, however, is crucial to high performance. Taken from the Jungian concept of shadow, Shadow Beliefs are manifestations of hidden, unexplored, or unresolved personality dynamics. A Shadow Belief is cast when we are unable to deal with something. When a deep-seated fear, loss, or trauma is ignored or hidden, a Shadow Belief is operating beneath the surface.

We all have Shadow Beliefs. If we don’t think we do, then a shadow is probably operating at precisely that moment by obscuring some aspect of ourselves. Jeff Patnaude, in his work Leading from the Maze, writes, “The leader must be awake and fully alert. Like a nighttime traveler attuned to every sound in the forest, the leader must be aware of all possibilities lurking in the shadows. For we can neither challenge nor transform what we cannot see.”

On a personal level, some of my Shadow Beliefs have to do with exceptionally high standards for others and myself. From a young age, I evaluated myself by this external, often critical, yardstick. As a result, I developed a series of Shadow Beliefs: “I’m never quite good enough; I have to work twice as hard to be valued; if something is not exceptional, it is not worthwhile; I am afraid to fail.” As you can see, these beliefs have some value. They have fueled a drive to achieve. On the other hand, some of these same beliefs cast a shadow on my behavior and relationships at times. However, when I am actively committed to fostering my awareness of these shadows, I’ve been able to shed some light on them and hopefully minimize their limiting influence on others and me, particularly in stressful times.

Transforming Shadow Beliefs to Conscious Beliefs is crucial to Personal Mastery. This is not to say we don’t struggle continually with them. We do. The difference is that we consciously and courageously engage them rather than unconsciously being driven by them. What happens to us if we don’t deal with Shadow Beliefs? We pay a high price. Addictive behaviors, difficulty in relationships, achievement overdrive, a domineering or weak leadership voice, imbalanced lifestyles, and health problems can be some of the costs. Shadow Beliefs are not scary; not dealing with them is.

While I was coaching Edward, the divisional president of a multibillion-dollar global organization, a Shadow Belief that was limiting him surfaced. Let me preface this story by sharing that Edward was not referred to us because he had something “to fix.” He was wildly successful in his current role. His consumer products firm was number one in revenue and market share globally for four consecutive years. It was his success that was starting to be a problem for him. He had this nagging anxiety: “Can I continue to top my past achievements?” Each time we would explore future plans, he would conjure up all sorts of disaster scenarios. As I got to know him better, I understood that he had internalized a hidden belief that no matter how hard he worked or what he achieved, it could all go away tomorrow.

On one level, this Shadow Belief served him well; it gave him the drive to achieve many goals. However, because he wasn’t aware of it, his fear of failure was actually inhibiting him from risking new experiences and new learning. It also was squeezing the life out of his team, a side effect totally inconsistent with his values and intentions. Finally I asked Edward, “You don’t get it, do you?” Surprised, he looked at me and said, “Get what?” I responded, “Edward, look at your life. You succeed in all areas of your life: your career, your family, and your relationships. What evidence do you have that you are going to fail at your next endeavor?”

It was a defining moment for Edward. He saw the shadow and brought it into the light. He moved from trusting his fear to trusting his real value. He transformed a Shadow Belief into a Conscious Belief. Before that moment, he wasn’t aware of its presence. It had been controlling him, and now he was beginning to take control of it. A few months later, describing his experience, he said, “This one insight has opened a doorway for me. It has given me the peace of mind to trust myself and to lead from who I am. I now know that no matter what I attempt, I will make it a success, and if not, I will adapt, learn, and make something new work.”

SEVEN CLUES THAT BRING SHADOW BELIEFS TO LIGHT

How often have you heard the expression that “an overdeveloped strength can become a weakness”? Although there is some truth to this statement, there is also a deeper underlying dynamic. Why do some strengths turn into weaknesses? Usually because some Shadow Belief is operating in parallel with the strength. Leaders either shed light or cast a shadow on everything they do. The more conscious their self-awareness, the more light leaders bring. The more limited their self-understanding, the bigger the shadow a leader casts.

Let’s say we have a Shadow Belief that “we only have value if we are doing and achieving.” If we are unaware of this Shadow Belief, our drive and determination will soon turn into workaholism and lack of intimacy, with profound negative implications for our health and relationships. Let’s say we have intelligence and self-confidence as strengths, combined with a Shadow Belief that “we always have to be right.” Without sufficient awareness, our selfconfidence will turn into arrogance, abrasiveness, and self-righteousness. Here are some other examples of how shadows can potentially turn strengths into weaknesses:

Because our shadows are often hidden from our own view, how can we bring them to light? Over the years, we’ve developed seven clues to indicate when a shadow may be operating:

• Shadow Clue One: If other people often give us feedback inconsistent with how we see ourselves, a shadow is likely present.

• Shadow Clue Two: When we feel stuck, blocked, or at a real loss as to what to do next, a shadow may be holding us back.

• Shadow Clue Three: As strengths become counterproductive, some hidden dynamics need to surface.

• Shadow Clue Four: When we are not open to new information, new learning, or other people’s views, a shadow may be limiting us.

• Shadow Clue Five: If we react to circumstances with emotional responses disproportionate to the situation, we are likely operating under a Shadow Belief.

• Shadow Clue Six: When we find ourselves forcefully reacting to the limitations or differences of others in a critical, judgmental way, our shadow is likely projecting our limitations or fears onto others.

• Shadow Clue Seven: If we often experience pain, trauma, or discomfort in our body, a shadow may be attempting to rise to the surface to seek reconciliation. Listen to the wisdom of your body as you look to uncover Shadow Beliefs.

Craig, an executive we worked with, was caught in the executive syndrome of “having it all together.” He feared that revealing any of his limitations would result in others perceiving him as weak or inadequate. He also honestly believed others didn’t perceive his underdeveloped side. After we examined his 360° assessment together, he realized others saw his limitations even more clearly than he did, and the coaching process began.

Fortunately, after he had experienced several months of coaching, a major business crisis surfaced. Here was the perfect opportunity for Craig to practice what he had learned. Clearly, he had made some mistakes leading up to the crisis. Rather than continuing the old pattern, he faced the troops, acknowledged his mistakes, and asked for their support. His coworkers were shocked and understandably hesitant at first, but they admired his courage and stepped forward to solve the crisis. Commenting on his experience, Craig told me, “I thought my power was in being right. Now I understand my power is in being real.” Authentic Personal Mastery had begun.

THE COURAGEOUS PRACTICE OF AUTHENTICITY

What happens when we are around highly competent people who have the courage to be real and open about themselves and the situations they face? We trust them. Their authenticity, vulnerability, and Personal Mastery have made them trustworthy, and we rush to their side.

When asked by Charlie Rose, “What’s the most important quality today for leadership?” Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks at that time, replied, “To display vulnerability.” In his book Pour Your Heart into It, Schultz says, “Although they can hire executives with many talents and skills, many CEOs discover that what they lack most is a reliable sounding board. They don’t want to show vulnerability to those who report to them.” He advises, “Don’t be afraid to expose your vulnerabilities. Admit you don’t know what you don’t know. When you acknowledge your weaknesses and ask for advice, you’ll be surprised how much others will help.”

David MacLennan, Chairman and CEO of Cargill, one of the world’s largest private companies with $107 billion in annual revenue, shared this perspective on authenticity:

A critical part of transparency and a real test of leadership authenticity is having people come up to you and say, “Hey, this is what I think is wrong. Were you aware of this?” as opposed to, “Look out. There’s the CEO. I better not speak up.” Your real “authenticity audit” is the degree to which people are open to you, because you have been open, vulnerable, and honest with them.

When people know you will deeply and authentically listen to them, people will be authentic and honest with you. When asked to clarify his key authenticity practices, David shared ten principles:

• Be comfortable in your own skin; don’t ever try to fake realness.

• Never take yourself too seriously; it is not usually about you.

• Share stories of personal failure, vulnerability, and learning; authenticity shows the full picture of who you are.

• Don’t believe your own press or focus too much on your accomplishments. Remember, you really are that “kid inside,” just trying to do your best.

• Surround yourself with people who will give you feedback. I once was told, “You look tired and you need a haircut.” Authenticity is a pragmatic and profound gift.

• Earn the right to be trusted by being courageously truthful. Engage in caring, direct, and courageous conversations. Authenticity is a two-way exchange; it multiplies trust with all those it touches.

• Encourage diversity, and encourage everyone to bring the best in themselves to work; authenticity is inclusive.

• Narrow the gap between your work self and your private/home self; authenticity is being the same person everywhere, in all situations.

• Stay humble to learn, and stay confident to serve; authentic leaders know when to listen, when to be bold, and when to be a learner.

• Dedicate yourself to purpose-driven service. Authenticity is all about service to all stakeholders in all leadership moments.

Toward the end of our conversation, David reflected, “Cargill is so much bigger than I am. I am the ninth CEO in a 150-year history. One day I will be another ‘oil painting’ on the wall that people barely remember. Authenticity is knowing that life, leadership, and the organization are all so much bigger and so much more important than I am.”

In the end, authenticity requires courageous action. David was one of the first CEOs in the United States to be brave enough to publicly speak out against potentially restrictive trade and immigration policies. During a CNN interview on the need for CEOs to weigh in with authenticity and courage on major policy issues, Jeffrey Immelt, former Chairman and CEO of General Electric, asserted, “It is insincere to not stand up for those things that you believe in. … We are cowards if we don’t take a position on those things that are consistent with our mission and where our people stand.”

LEADING IN CHARACTER … LEADING BY COPING

If leadership from the inside out is an authentic and courageous influence that creates enduring value, how do we go about expressing ourselves more authentically? Authenticity requires a lifelong courageous commitment to self-discovery, self-observation, and self-authorship. Because the word authenticity comes from the same Greek root as the word author, I’m sure no one would be surprised that authoring your own life is a continuous journey.

However, in coaching leaders to develop more authentic dimensions of self, we have found some helpful practices to bring out the essence of who we are. When a leader approaches the question, “How authentic am I?” it is often helpful to ask some other questions first: “Where is my leadership coming from? Where are my beliefs and values coming from?” We need to constantly consider the origin of our leadership in various circumstances. Is our leadership serving only ourselves—our career and success—or is it also focused on our team and organization? Is our leadership arising from our Character, which is driven to serve others? Or is it derived from a pattern of Coping, where we tend to react to circumstances to elicit a more immediate or self-serving result?

Some approaches to leadership are reactive, consume energy, and produce unsustainable or undesirable results. Other approaches are transformative, add energy to the undertaking, and create value for the short and long term. The former approaches come from qualities of Coping, and the latter approaches derive from Character.

Terry Bacon, a colleague and the author of The Elements of Power, has conducted research on the personal sources of power. His findings identify five personal power sources: knowledge, expressiveness, history, attractiveness, and character. Significant in his research, “character is the only source of power that can add to or subtract from every other source. You can be very knowledgeable, eloquent, attractive and have existing relationships with the people you are trying to influence, but if they perceive that your character is flawed, your power to lead and influence them will be greatly diminished.” On the positive side of character, Bacon writes, “Being recognized as a person of character enhances your capacity to lead and influence others because they trust your intentions, are more confident in your leadership, and see you as a person worth emulating.”

In a 2017 research study conducted by James Lewis and Stu Crandell of Korn Ferry Institute, assessment results from 1,110 managers and executives were analyzed to discern the leadership competencies that differentiated C-suite executives from midlevel managers. Research was reviewed across thirty-eight leadership competencies and five industry sectors. Which competency rose to the top as the differentiator in multiple environments between senior leadership and midlevel management? Courage.

Interestingly, courage is one of those rare leadership characteristics, like trust, that is both a competency and a character trait. Courage and trust are foundational to progressive and sustained leadership performance; courage gives us the strength to create the future, and trust keeps us together as we venture into the unknown. Therefore, courage and character are not merely desirable, more ethical ways to lead; they are fundamental to leading versus managing. Transformative leaders create the future with courage and character; transactive managers ensure present performance with control.

Character works to transform and open up possibilities and potential. When we are leading from character, we exude qualities of authenticity, courage, purpose, openness, trust, congruence, compassion, and service. We have the ability to transform circumstances, open up possibilities, and create lasting value for ourselves and for others. The Character-driven leader tends to emphasize service over self.

Coping protects us and helps us get through challenging circumstances. In this sense, it has value and, if used sparingly and appropriately, will serve very specific needs. Coping works like a muscle. We need to use it at times, but if we overuse it, the muscle will collapse. Qualities of Coping include concern for image, safety, security, comfort, or control. The Coping leader may get results but also exhibits defensiveness, fear, withdrawal, or a desire to win at all costs. He or she may exclude certain people or information. The Coping-driven leader tends to emphasize self over service.

Both Character and Coping are present in most leadership situations. However, we need to ask ourselves, “Which one is my master, and which one is my servant?” When we make Character the master of our leadership and Coping the servant, we move toward better relationships and create lasting value.

QUALITIES OF CHARACTER AND COPING

As leaders, it is essential to learn how to build our awareness of when we are being guided by Character and when we are being guided by Coping. The following table illustrates some of the behaviors that indicate whether we are in a Character pattern or a Coping pattern:

Let’s explore three examples:

1. Building Image vs. Building Authenticity: When we care a bit too much how we look to others and focus on getting their approval, adulation, or acceptance, our leadership may be guided by an Image Coping pattern. We are in this image persona when we try too hard to “look great”; when we present ourselves as more than we are; when our brand is more important than our substance; and when we misrepresent values, beliefs, or other information to win acceptance.

Recently, I was coaching the CEO of a firm along with one of his key executives, Michelle. Although the CEO needed to work on a few crucial growth areas, authenticity was not one of them. Michelle, however, was unknowingly caught up in her image. At a critical point in one of their interactions, as Michelle was overanalyzing all the political implications of a recent, highly public failure, the CEO calmly and compassionately asked, “Michelle, do you want to look good, or do you want to make a difference?”

Michelle fell silent. Of course she wanted to make a difference. She needed someone to shock her out of investing herself fully in Coping and into shifting her awareness to leading from Character. In The Corporate Mystic, Gay Hendricks and Kate Ludeman reinforce this practice: “It is as important to challenge people about their personas as it is to love and cherish their true essence. In the business world it is dangerous to ignore people’s personas. Genuinely caring for people means seeing them as they are, not blithely overlooking fatal flaws.”

2. Safety, Security, and Comfort vs. Purpose: If our actions are principally guided by safety, security, and comfort, we are in a Coping pattern. This is a big one for most of us. It is also subtle. We are usually unaware of how staying safe is actually limiting new experiences and possibilities. How often have most of us thought, “When I build up enough assets, then I’ll go do what I really want to do”? This is the voice of Coping. In the executive ranks, this can be a major issue. While we, as senior executives, seek to become more comfortable (financially and otherwise), do we continue to risk innovative, meaningful, out-of-the-box initiatives? Or, worse, do we postpone our real purpose and contribution for that mythical future moment when we will be safe and secure enough to fully express ourselves?

I was working with a senior marketing executive who was caught in this Coping pattern. The first day I met Jack, he told me he had lost his passion for his work and was preparing to leave his organization to seek a new opportunity. After spending some time together, he shared his career-life vision: to accumulate assets in order to replace his current income and, in five years, start his own business. On the surface, it sounded all right. As we went deeper, however, it became apparent that he had sacrificed his purpose on the altar of security and comfort. Driven by his need to accumulate money in an attempt to build his inner sense of security, he had gradually lost touch with what really gave him meaning: using his creativity and insight to help others achieve their potential. Once Jack reconnected to his purpose, he returned to his work with renewed passion, perspective, and boldness.

When we are caught up in Coping, we seek solutions outside ourselves, like changing a job, accumulating enough money to feel secure, or changing a relationship. Too often we seek solutions in the “Whats” instead of the “Hows” or “Whys.” Jack needed to relearn how to show up in his life in a renewed way. He learned how and why it was vital to clarify purpose and to lead in Character.

3. Control vs. Collaboration: If our energies are absorbed in having the world conform to our will, with a desire to avoid nearly all surprise, then we are likely leading from a place of Coping. This is particularly challenging if we are moving from managerial to leadership roles in an organization. Managers control by virtue of their heroic doing; leaders collaborate by virtue of their generous being. When we are rapidly alternating between management and leadership, as is often the case, the relationship between control and openness is a constant dynamic.

Tracy, a senior-level executive for an international service firm, was clearly operating in a Control Coping pattern. It was actually her “winning formula.” She viewed herself as an exceptionally competent person, and by all external measures, she was. Based on a series of outstanding achievements in sales and marketing, she had been on the fast track in her company. She was known for always exceeding the need. If the organization wanted something done exceptionally well, Tracy was the one recruited for the job. Some would say she had mastered her profession, maybe even mastered some aspects of her external environment. But her external success was not based on internal mastery. Her obsessive need to control everything around her had created strain in all her relationships. Her marriage wasn’t surviving her need to control. Without understanding why, she gradually drove away nearly everyone around her. For many years, her external competence had been sufficient to help Tracy face her life and career demands. However, her expanding life and leadership demands involved competence of a different order. Tracy was a leader whose take-charge, task-focused style worked well in her career—up to a point. If she had been unwilling to pause for awareness and growth, she could easily have become among those executives whose careers hit the wall and got stuck, falling short of their potential.

Before Tracy could move to the next stage of her leadership and life effectiveness, she needed to access a platform of internal competence and character. It took a few months of coaching, but to her credit, she slowly came to the realization that her excessive need to control was based on a Shadow Belief. She had come to believe that just being herself and trusting that things would work out was not an option. At a crucial point in our coaching, she said, “If I stopped controlling everything, my life would fall apart!” The instant she said it, the paradox hit her with full force. Her life was falling apart because she was so controlling, yet she felt that control was her only savior. Over time, she gained the Personal Mastery to begin trusting and to be more open to change. As her self-awareness, self-trust, and openness grew, Tracy’s ability to trust and to appreciate others grew as well. She had begun leading in Character.

As we have seen, Character transforms, whereas Coping tends to be more of a reactive survival mode. When we are in a Coping pattern, we tend to see the problems of life as existing outside ourselves. We say to ourselves, “If I could only change this person or that situation, then everything would be fine.” But life’s problems are rarely resolved by only changing the external situation. Lasting solutions involve dealing with our internal situation in order to transform the external circumstance.

To illustrate the difference between Character and Coping responses, imagine Nelson Mandela many years ago saying, “I think I need to leave South Africa. The situation here is just too big a problem. These people just don’t get it. I need to go to a more comfortable, accommodating country.” It is absurd even to imagine this scenario with a person of so much courage and Character. When Character and purpose are weak, then our initial Coping response is usually to leave or escape our situation. When purpose is strong, leaders transform many of the circumstances they encounter. Obviously, there may be times when we need to leave or walk away from a situation for self-preservation. However, if our first response is consistently to exit challenging circumstances, then we probably need to work on leaning into Character more often.

It’s important to note that Personal Mastery is not about eliminating Coping. It is about increasing Character to such a degree that Character is primary and Coping is secondary. Coping exists for a reason—to protect us and deal with threatening situations—so we don’t want to eliminate it completely. It serves a purpose. But we do want to favor Character so that this more substantial way to lead becomes the master of our behavior. To have Character the master and Coping the servant—the inner supporting the outer—is the goal of Personal Mastery.

Leading with Character is not easy. The CEO of a rapidly growing firm shared this comment with me: “I hate to admit it, but most organizations reward Coping. We talk about Character, but we reward Coping. We extol the values of trust, inclusion, and adding value, but we consistently reward control and image. Most of us are unwilling to do the hard work and to take the personal risk to lead in Character.”

Unfortunately, some executive coaching programs reinforce Coping rather than fostering Character. Executives are coached how to act instead of how to be. It’s a charm-school process that produces only superficial, short-term results. Executives are coached to polish the exterior, but rarely does any real, substantial, and sustained growth take place. Under sufficient stress, all the old patterns return. Coaching the whole person, light and shadow, sustains real leadership development.

UNDERSTANDING OUR OWNER’S MANUAL

Many of us know more about our favorite vacation spot, sports team, or running shoes than we do about ourselves. To break out of old patterns and grow as a whole person, we need to answer, “Who am I?” As we take on this question, we may stir up our internal critic, or we may return with a quick answer that superficially reflects the roles we play instead of who we really are.

The other day I sat down with a CEO for an initial coaching session. With a bit of nervous bravado, the executive proclaimed, “Kevin, you know, I know myself pretty well.” Honestly, I’