CHAPTER 1

How to Stop Selling Out on Yourself

ACCORDING TO A POPULAR MYTH about comfort zones, if you stay inside yours, it means you are stuck, lazy, or unmotivated.

The Problem

Most sales “gurus” will tell you that to make progress, you need to feel uneasy and stressed. They think you must reach a level of pain and discomfort that feels so bad you cannot tolerate it any longer, and only at that point can you make a change. They also say that when you have reached that level of stress, you will have increased focus, creativity, drive, and productivity. It is common to hear from these trainers that the brain is lazy and wants to keep you safe. Therefore, ignoring your mind and taking risks will show you what you are “really made of.”

They insist that you must be pushy, assertive, and ready to deal with nos to be as victorious and successful as they are. They draw comparisons between sales and warfare to make their point. They believe no one wants to go into a battle, but it is necessary in business. After all, war does “make the man.”

Their bottom line is this: “Without putting yourself in stressful situations, you can’t be successful.”

Fight-or-Flight Responses

Haven’t they heard that stress, fear, and perceived danger produce fight-or-flight responses?

According to psychologist Carolyn Fisher, PhD, in an article for the Cleveland Clinic, “The fight or flight response, or stress response, is triggered by a release of hormones either prompting us to stay and fight or run away and flee. During the response, all bodily systems are working to keep us alive in what we’ve perceived as a dangerous situation.” The article goes on to point out, “Living in a prolonged state of high alert and stress (when there isn’t any real reason for it) can be detrimental to your physical and mental health.”¹

Common negative effects on the body and mind caused by the fight-or-flight response to stress and fear include the following:

• Increased heart rate and blood pressure

• Pale or flushed skin, possibly the feeling of being cold and clammy or hot and sweaty

• Heightened senses, possibly the feeling of being on edge or on your guard

• Foggy or altered memory

• Loss of bowel control

These responses to stress and fear will probably not result in greater confidence and productivity.

The fight-or-flight responses produced by the common sales training methods could be why those who are working on getting out of their comfort zone or out of their own way rarely are successful. Simply the fear of failure and the anxiety created by taking a risk is much greater than any possible rewards.

Debbie Mandel, author of Addicted to Stress: A Woman’s 7-Step Program to Reclaim Joy and Spontaneity in Life, describes the problem this way: “Many of us are busy escaping from the deficits of our personality by trying to be something we’re not.” However, she warns, trying to change our nature causes stress: “Stress is so inflammatory and it’s become the cause of all disease. It zaps energy, creativity, and sabotages relationships.”²

For example, Koriani Baptist told me that she considers herself a “zero in one hundred seconds flat” type of person. She explained, “When I get going, no one can usually stop me from accomplishing my goals. But I was stopped by hearing no over and over again when following the go-for-no approach I was taught by other sales trainers. When someone says no to me, I want to respect them. I felt that by doing what I was taught, I was not being myself, and it did not feel good. It felt phoney and cheesy.”

Further, by focusing on our personal perceived deficiencies, we are creating mental health problems for ourselves.

Low self-esteem and dissatisfaction with our life leads to relationship problems, addictions, more anxiety, and depression, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness.³

Can You Get Out of Your Own Way?

I did a survey of hundreds of entrepreneurs and asked how many feel it is important to get out of their comfort zone to be successful. The overwhelming majority agreed with that statement. What this tells me is that they bought into the myth that they must get out of their own way.

However, when I asked these same entrepreneurs how many are willing to be out of alignment with their core values, the response was 100 percent that they would not be willing.

Could this mean that their innate selves know that attempting to do or be something they are not creates internal conflict and angst? I believe so. How could people ever really get out of their own way? Only by going the way we are meant to go can we stay in alignment and be truly successful.

Perhaps those that tell us we must get out of our comfort zone actually are saying “I can teach you to go only my way.” If it appears that they are successful in accomplishing something they have never done before, it is only because the amount they stretched was still inside their circumference of comfort. They were still in alignment with their values and calling.

The Solution

Tap into the personal power available to you within your comfort zone of core values and personality traits.

Power and confidence come from the feeling that we know what to do and that we can count on ourselves. We launch our actions from a familiar, safe, and secure place. Anxiety and stress in this zone are at minimum levels, making us feel free to move forward. In this zone, we already have a track record of success doing specific tasks and honing our skills. And we have been consistently doing those tasks because those activities are aligned with our core values and sense of purpose.

Koriani Baptist describes how using the Alignment Marketing Formula and staying in her comfort zone has made such a difference for her: “When you told me I could stay in my comfort zone and still be successful, Stacey, I felt relieved. I felt immediately that I could still be me and make sales and still feel good vibes being me—to still be respectful to myself and my prospects.”

Another Source of Internal Satisfaction

When we feel confident that our skills can be a contribution to others, we discover another source of internal satisfaction. Already being good at previous tasks tells our mind that we are likely to be successful at new tasks that require similar experience. We are also willing to stretch just a bit more to accomplish these new, similar tasks because we expect to be successful.

Stephanie Oden describes the feeling of expanding while remaining inside her comfort zone. She says, “Expansion is required if there is something I must learn to do to fulfill my goal. As long as there is the little voice saying, ‘I think I can,’ then there is a small level of belief that I can do it—even if I don’t do it right at the beginning.”

We learn new activities quickly because they are already similar to those we have done in the past with success. Creating habits and routines inside our comfort zone is easier too.

Rhonda Britten, founder of the Fearless Living Institute, in an interview for WebMD, shares her views on staying in one’s comfort zone to be more powerful: “I’m not interested in people getting rid of their comfort zones. In fact, you want to have the largest comfort zone possible—because the larger it is, the more masterful you feel in more areas of your life. Some people call it a rut. It’s not a rut. It’s our place of reprieve, where we can conserve our energy and not have to figure anything out. If you deny that you have a comfort zone or pretend that you don’t need one, you’ll be stressed all the time.”⁴

Self-Satisfaction Contributes to Success

Mental health experts agree that the feeling of being self-satisfied improves our mental well-being. The sense of satisfaction allows our brain to release dopamine and serotonin into our system, which are known as the “feel good” hormones.

Some of the many positive mental symptoms reported when people feel a sense of satisfaction include the following:

• Improved mood

• Increased attentiveness and focus

• Increased productivity and creativity

• Improved analytical skills

• Increased motivation

These sound like factors that actually contribute to success! There are physical benefits too:

• Improved sleep, which contributes to all other physical benefits

• Improved digestion, which means no more eating our gut out with worries

• Strengthened immune system, which promotes increased productivity

• Longer lifespan and the desire to live and be productive longer

As an example of transforming stress into satisfaction, I often hear from my new clients that they have struggled for years attempting to adapt to other people’s suggestions of how to schedule their time or stay organized. This stress and desire to do what other people tell us to do usually stems from childhood when our parents told us how to behave.

I encourage my clients to realize they are now in control of their own lives. It is important to stop trying to do things the way they are “supposed” to. I suggest to my clients that they play with, explore, and discover ways of managing their time and staying organized, which will give them more physical and mental energy.

Once they do, they find they are more productive and creative. They are no longer selling their own skills short; they are more likely to feel confident and powerful while selling their products and services.