CHAPTER 1

Saving Face as Social Currency

WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORDS “save face,” what do you think of? You might imagine someone trying to recover after saying something embarrassing. Maybe they made a misstep in the workplace and now need to repair their reputation. Egos get hurt and somehow must be mended.

The concept of “face” in many cultures extends to something far deeper. It speaks to a deeper need for dignity and acceptance, and the ways we convey that dignity to one another. The ability of people to successfully apply concepts of face as a type of social currency might be the single most integral part of establishing successful business partnerships.

Many have heard the term “face” as in “losing face.” But not many understand how complex and widespread the concept is in Asia and in other cultures. Face represents a person’s status and reputation in business and politics, among family and friends, in local communities—even the nation at large. The concept of face has influenced nearly every aspect of life and culture for 2,500 years.

The concept of face (miàn zi, in Chinese) is difficult to define because there is no English word that is a direct equivalent. “Respect” or “dignity” come close, but do not fully encapsulate all its nuance. In the historical Chinese perspective, face represents a person’s reputation, credibility, and level of prestige within the family, among personal friends, and in society at large. Whatever word or phrase is used for it, in Chinese, English, or any other language, the importance of face is universal within just about every culture.

The influence of face in Asian culture typically affects three parts of society—self, community, and action.

Self relates to how an individual perceives the level of prestige they believe they’ve earned through their accomplishments or status within the community.

Community represents the level of respect and courtesy that should be bestowed upon someone based on their status within a business, family, or other social network.

Action corresponds to the behavior or deeds that can cause someone else to either lose or gain face.

To put it all together in terms of face, self is how you see yourself, community is how you see others, and action is what each of us does to each other that impacts face positively or negatively.

From a business perspective, the Chinese perception of face is very apparent in all levels of communications and relationships. Adherence to company hierarchy is ever present and plays a much more important role than in many Western countries. Leaders and senior managers are placed on a pedestal, and the distinction between various levels of management is clearly defined. Many leaders expect their orders to be followed without question, and when someone does not follow the intent of their leader, they are perceived as not giving the necessary prestige that the leader is owed.

While our objective here isn’t to duplicate that model of business hierarchy, the concept of face is just as important in the West, and we’ll be looking at how that is so throughout this book.

“THROW AWAY THE FACE”

The concept of face is so entrenched globally that common phrases about face are a normal part of everyday conversation. The Chinese phrase diulian translates as “throw away the face”—that is, to be so ashamed or embarrassed you feel as though you have removed your face and tossed it away. And let’s not forget the Western phrase “putting your best face forward”—another way of presenting yourself with respect and honor.

The idea of saving face isn’t just some theoretical concept that affects communication between groups in far-flung locations. As the following story shows, issues about face can just as easily happen in the same building.

As you go through this book, you may notice that I sprinkle a lot of anecdotes about what I’ve observed in my interactions with clients. It’s intentional! Instead of reciting abstract theories in a vacuum, I want to show how the concept of face actually has an impact on people through real-life experiences.

Here’s a terrific example of how the chief operating officer (COO) of a major corporation helped to preserve face for one of his managers when something negative happened.

The COO had saved the manager’s face and did so authentically.

• He was firm but kind. Saving face requires having the other person’s best interest in mind, understanding their perspective, and delivering constructive feedback. The COO considered the circumstances before making decisions. Humanity is key. Ego is the enemy.

• It’s important to point out that saving face isn’t the same as just letting someone off the hook. When a mistake is made, there still needs to be accountability. In this case, the COO communicated directly and clearly about his expectations and trusted that the financial director would see to it that the problem was fixed.

• He employed emotional intelligence. When he walked in the room, the COO was aware of the finance director’s stress level. He “raised his antenna” and reacted with empathy. He was respectful, choosing his words carefully. He didn’t make assumptions. He treated the finance director with decency.

• He was intentional. When having emotionally delicate conversations, start with the end goal in mind. Ask, “What is my intention? What do we want to achieve?” Stating your intention creates openness and breaks down barriers.

• He made the finance director feel worthy. The COO didn’t demean or embarrass him. Instead, he did the opposite—he recognized, in front of Dan, the work the finance director had been doing to improve security measures. He acknowledged the finance director’s self-worth and affirmed it.

• He helped the finance director overcome shame and embarrassment quickly and refocus his energy on solving the problem and moving forward. He showed the finance director that he trusted him and had confidence that he would do the right thing.

Saving face is done authentically when you are intentional, respectful, and sensitive. Act with empathy and leave ego and judgment at the door. When you help someone save face in this way, you not only inspire loyalty—you also bring out the best in others, having made them feel appreciated and valued.

The act of saving face can take many forms. It may be very subtle or overt depending on the culture and environment, but it is always there.

THE BANK OF FACE

When we are attuned to face, we begin to use it as social currency. In this sense, it is possible to imagine how we build a supply of face with someone by continuously making deposits, just like a bank account. The more we deposit, the more we build trust. We express gratitude and appreciation. We compliment others and recognize them for their contributions, in public and in private. Or we empathize, putting ourselves in their place to understand their challenges. We give them and their voice equal time and weight. This is how we make a deposit.

When we need to make a withdrawal, we’re careful not to “tear the face apart.” We provide criticism or feedback in a way that saves face and preserves dignity. If we mistakenly cause someone to lose face, the relationship can still be saved if there are enough deposits to cover the withdrawal.

Face is also traded as currency. Global business leaders use face as a commodity, trading and borrowing face to strike mutual deals or to gain entry into one another’s markets or networks. A global business leader’s success depends on how he or she understands face and its crucial role in cross-cultural communication.

The more “face” you have, the easier and quicker it is to get things done.

Face as a social currency isn’t solely focused on business. It matters in every interaction you have, whether it’s professional or personal. Here are a couple of examples of how face works on a personal level.

On the level of personal relationships, whether between a parent and child, or among members of a religious congregation, the scale may be smaller but the concepts of face are equally important to how individuals relate to each other.

As an executive coach, I’ve worked with thousands of clients, from mid-level managers of start-ups to CEOs of Global 500 companies. Of all the challenges my clients deal with, of all the conflicts that arise in companies big and small, the most consistent characteristic missing in nearly all of these interactions is in how people deal with each other in terms of face. This book is an opportunity to share what I’ve learned from my experiences.

We will look at how we can honor face to connect with people and create positive first impressions, how we can inadvertently cause others to lose face in business or social situations, and, most important, how we can effectively save face to avoid negative consequences.

Here we go!